As I sit in my backyard, burned out from stressing too much about the packing and the check-in and all that, I've kind of got to wonder why on earth I want to leave all this for something new/wild/potentially dangerous/scary. And the answer is adventure, this crazy idea that I've got in my head that I need to go off and do something new/wild/potentially dangerous in order not to feel like everything has become too tame. It's much easier to get into that mindset when you're sitting around a dorm room feeling stircrazy, but harder when you're about to step on that 747 for the next fourteen and a half hours. This is a much bigger adventure than any of my other wilderness excursions or going to college or even heading out to a party you don't want to go to. This seems pretty damn real to me, but at the same time unfamiliar, thus the fear. In the end, though, I know all this worry is pointless. I'll go to Bali. I'll get really into it after a few weeks of adjustment. I'll deal and adapt. And in the end, I'll be pretty happy. So maybe all the daydreams about my triumphant returns to LA/Williamstown are silly, but they're keeping me going right now. We'll see what the daydream is in a couple of weeks.
In the meantime, I'm off. This is it. Let's take that hill. I'll be seeing y'all later, hopefully posting at you with something resembling regularity and substance. Shoot me an email if you've got stuff to say (if you're a person to be emailing me, you know the address. If not, then I probably don't like you anyways). Future Balinese friends: hello! I'm very nervous about meeting you. The title here is a reference to a book I enjoyed, not a comment on your island or an indication of my behavior while I stay there. And one last word to future me: this better be worth it, punk, otherwise I'll be waiting in your subconscious with a big "I told you so" and a few other choice words not fit to publish on this family blog. Otherwise godspeed, we're all excited for what happens next.
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Not to take away any of the significance or anything, but this is exactly how I felt before I went abroad, and this is exactly how everybody feels before they study abroad (unless they've been to that country already, in which case it's not as much of an adventure). And everybody (myself included) comes back saying it was one of the coolest things they ever did. You're gonna have an awesome, awesome time. It'll definitely be difficult too, but I've found that the most difficult experiences end up being the most rewarding ones (damn that sounded cheesy).
ReplyDeleteAnyway, you're probably in Bali by the time you read this, and you might have already been there a week or something, but I still hope it helps. Let me know if you start to go crazy or if you have any awesome stories. Oh, and do a better job on your blog than I did on mine.