Visa

So I now have a visa. It came in the mail last week, just my passport in a really big envelope with this official looking sticker on one of the pages, signed and ready for me to spend an inordinately long amount of time in a very foreign place. In case you couldn't tell, this post catches me at one of those "I really don't want to be going to Bali" moments. I'm leaving college (where I spent the summer) and my friends/good times to go home for a few days, an equally friendly and safe experience, before going off into the great unknown. My question is why, when I've got everything in my life all lined up and nice and cozy and generally in control, do I want to leave it behind and do something that I don't have even the faintest inkling how it will turn out (nice sentence structure there)?

Time for the "reasons why I want to go to Bali" section of the blog. Way long ago I was sure that I'd want to study abroad in college. I was thinking Australia, maybe Italy, something fun and western and stuff like that. I really didn't think much about it when I got to college, being more occupied with the heady "oh look I'm in college!" rush, but when sophomore year and decision time came around, I decided that the thing I'd like to be most in this world is a JA, the Williams equivalent of an RA, but much cooler because you are more of a friend and mentor to your wards than a warden. However, the application process is extremely competitive (because everyone wants to do it), so I looked at studying abroad as a backup. I decided that I would have to do one or the other with my junior year, or otherwise I would feel like I squandered an opportunity. While staying at college and raising freshmen was the most appealing, I looked at my studying abroad ideas from years ago, and did some tweaking. If I were to give up a semester of glorious college time, I'd have to do something that would be very difficult/almost impossible to do after college. I also wanted an adventure, something out of the ordinary, but nothing too wild and scary. And above all, I wanted to become a part of whatever culture I decided to live in for three months instead of just being an observer. So Bali just kind of fell into place: a homestay in one of the most friendly and welcoming cultures around (I hear), but at the same time a culture completely different from my thoroughly western ways. And then when I, after some excruciating time on the waitlist, didn't become a JA, I found myself heading for Bali.

So I guess it's a bit rough, what with the process and all. I didn't really weight the implications of my naive desire for adventure and now find myself scared and bitter that I won't be on campus in the fall. Looking at it the other way, because I'm not a JA and most of my friends will be gone in the fall too, being on campus would have been an even more bitter/lonely experience as just another junior. Besides, classes and the general campus vibe are more fun in the spring, even though the weather blows. I spend a lot of time now thinking about my triumphant return to Williamstown, but first I have to get myself through this semester. And by through I mean I have to get to Bali and then be wowed by the charm of being abroad. I always get like this before some big change (like college) and then end up enjoying it. It's just hard to deal with right now. So I decide to share with the internet, always a great call. In other Bali news, my girlfriend's visa hasn't come yet, which is also immensely stressful, so hopefully that shows up soon. In the mean time, more fretting alternated with mild excitement for me.